There was a room full of people, looking as scared as me, I was nervous about what I was about to feel, do, say and see. 

As the weeks turned into months, the friendships and bonds grew, we learned about each other, and the things we’d each been through. 

We get into our groups, and each module Gillian would change us round, who knew that we’d learn so much, and the personal growth that would be found. 

Then in March the virus hit, we had to stop the club, but just for a little bit. The structure changed and we were now on zoom, we were worlds  away from our safe cosy room. 

 A world pandemic wouldn’t stop our club,  for nearly every week we all turned up. Even With all the different walks of life, facing sickness, uncertainty, heartache and strife. 

We supported each other on a Tuesday, through the week and in the chat, Gary’s Jokes made us all laugh when we felt flat. 

Now it’s the last week and we

See each other through the screen. How much I wish I could hug you, and show how much to me, you really mean. 

Some weeks have been a challenge, even to get out of bed, but I’m so glad I did, just to feel the love that was so openly spread. 

Now it’s time to say goodbye as we each go out into the world, to show off our knowledge, courage and  new self that this course has unfurled. 

I wish you all so much love and luck, it’s been so amazing being your friend. This club has been my saving grace with my heart now on the mend. 

Thank you for all you’ve done for me, you’ll never really know,  how much the power of our club, has changed me and helped me grow. 

– By Ruth Whyte

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Frank didn’t do feelings. He was a man at all times. Anger doesn’t count as a feeling, Frank did anger. Frank knew why he did anger – it was necessary to protect himself and his family. He did sometimes regret what he did in anger. I’m not sure why Frank came to therapy, I know why he said he came to therapy – to deal with his need to check things all the time.

Not a talker

Frank didn’t do talking much either, at least not about feelings. He was a large man, pleasant and smiling, easily laughing, Successful in his occupation. After some time Frank did do the talking, even about feelings. He felt things that he had buried since childhood. He didn’t so much as “sit with the discomfort“ but seem to shrink into himself like a little boy.

Frank was fearless

Frank was fearless, he could stand up to anybody. He knew what was right, he knew what was wrong. He knew who had to be stopped and he knew who had to be protected and he knew it was his job to do that. He didn’t know why sometimes he went too far. Frank was not a bully, he was not a violent man so he began to avoid situations where he might need to defend somebody. Frank has a lovely family and didn’t need to go out socially. He was able to check whether he was likely to get himself into trouble before he went for a walk, he didn’t need to go for a walk very often anyway. His wife was pretty good at making sure he was never anywhere where there was conflict. He was a minefield made as safe as possible. There was always the possibility of something unpredictable so Frank had to be on high alert all the time.          

The well-trodden path

Frank didn’t do talking about emotions, he did do pictures and he did do analogies. Frank described his behavioural experiments as walking through a field that was overgrown. There was a path in it that was well-trodden but lead to thistles. He had to stop himself going down that way and tread out another path. This was quite difficult the first time, but Frank noticed that the more times he did it the easier it became until he had two well-trodden paths, then three and four.

Frank didn’t do feelings, but he did face the buried monster. He realised that he was burying it. He drew a picture. The picture had a man digging a hole and putting the soil in a pile in front of him to keep the monster away. Frank commented that “I’m so busy digging to pile up a wall in front of me that I don’t notice the great big hole I’ve dug out  behind me that I’m about to fall into”   

Making friends with the monster

Frank stopped building his wall, he tolerated with the feelings of fear and trepidation that engendered .Instead of running away from the monster he stayed and watched his approach. He saw that the big dog running towards him with his teeth showing wasn’t growling, just panting in the heat. He drew the dog and as he looked at it he laughed saying, “ that doesn’t look like a dog, that looks like a teddy bear!“         

Frank walks alongside his monster, it isn’t a very nice monster but it is nowhere near as bad as he had originally thought. Frank keeps an eye on the monster so that it doesn’t get out of hand again .

Frank is brave

I enjoyed working with Frank, he was brave and worked hard to understand what was happening underneath the layers of rules and walls.He was Open, honest and generous with his self reflection. The confusion, desolation and horror of the core belief was almost palpable. The courage he showed when he stopped building the wall to keep the monster away and waiting until it appeared to face it  was difficult to believe.

I have often used his analogy of the path in the field, The monster becoming a teddy bear and the concept of making a wall to keep the monster out but creating a big hole and falling into it as a result of this.

Frank’s ideas have helped other clients understand.  Frank’s ideas have helped me understand.

Frank doesn’t think he does feelings, Frank doesn’t think he can talk, especially not about feelings. I think Frank is wrong, in vulgar parlance I think Frank “nailed it”.  

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Age, occupation, interests, culture, and religion. We use all of these or none of these to connect to another. As curious, social beings we instinctively gravitate towards making contact, finding love in many forms, and searching for meaning.

Death is certain

Despite this, we are born alone, and we must die alone, the only thing certain in life is death. Depending on your perspective contemplating this can be debilitating or liberating. Dr Irvin Yalom recognises through his work with cancer patients that being so acutely aware of the end drives people to live in the now. Within this there is a challenge, to embrace this mindset before there is illness, diagnosis, or prognosis. Keep the end in mind to drive you to do more, to think more, to feel more. Keep the end in mind to focus on your own life process, to let go of the expectations you have of yourself and of others. There is almost nothing you can do about the thoughts, feelings, and actions of others but you can control you and now is the time.

You are you, and I am I

Daughter, sister, friend, colleague, wife. As we go through our own life process, making contact, finding love, searching for meaning, there are but 23 words first uttered by Fritz Perls to remember, You are you, and I am I, and if by chance we find each other, it’s beautiful. If not, it can’t be helped.

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There was a little empath named Sharon, who had witnessed many troubled times as a young girl, teenager, and young woman. She realised at an early age that she had special powers: a desire and the skills to help other people feel better.

Her dream was to reach the top of the Magic Mountain where she would achieve her Diploma in Counselling Skills. From here, she would be able to see far and wide across the land, and she felt she could reach out to help others as a qualified Counsellor. But first, she must climb to the first level of the Magic Mountain by successfully completing the COSCA Certificate in Counselling Skills. The little empath set off on her first quest.

The COSCA cave

She found a reputable course provider with excellent reviews and travelled far, into deepest darkest east end Glasgow. There, she was met by her two empath Godmothers, Alison and Claire. They were both very wise in the ways of counselling and they were to be her guides. Through the glass doors, and into the COSCA cave, she met a lovely group of other empaths. She was soon to realise that they too, had the same special powers to help other people. Very soon, the little empath felt right at home.

Lots of learning

For the next ten weeks there was a lot of learning to be done. The little empath thought she had always been a good listener, but, working more intensely with her supportive triad she realised there was much, much more to it. Always the one to give advice, she saw that she must quietly listen with a range of attending and responding skills. She must not ‘fix’ things and instead, must truly be there with her speaker. After all, the answers lie within. It was just her job to help the speaker reveal them. She loved using the Guided Fantasy and has used this back in her own kingdom with the young people she teaches. They were then able to uncover some feelings they had not known were there, and were also able to put a name to an emotion that they were unable to talk about in traditional one to one discussion.

The wise Godmothers

Soon, the wise Godmothers bestowed another gift. In order to reach level one of the quest, the little empath must truly know in her heart the core principles of counselling: Acceptance, Genuineness and Empathy. Luckily her magic powers allowed her to feel empathy for others readily. Sometimes this was a bit too much and she knows she has to protect herself in order to not feel drained and be of more use to her speakers.

Remember to relax

Genuineness was interesting to learn about as the little empath thought she came across as open and interested. However, her study of her recorded video clip revealed a stern face and closed body language. Her supportive triad said she just looked professional and was maybe a little nervous in front of the camera, and that she didn’t look stern to them at all. The little empath was relieved to hear this as she really wanted to look as genuine as she felt inside. She made a decision to remember to relax her body and face and to never cross her legs or lace her fingers again.

Acceptance

Acceptance was the real stumbling block as her deeper judgements of others were revealed. The Godmothers gave out tiny pieces of folded paper, but they held monumental discussion points. Emotive names were inside and this made the little empath shudder. Could she honestly put her triggers to one side and help the horrible trolls or the wicked witches of the world? After all, they have feelings too and someone has to help them. A lot of self-reflection is needed to answer this, and suddenly for the first time, the Diploma at the top of the Magic Mountain seemed out of reach. Would she ever get to the top to achieve something she was once so certain of?

Disaster struck

Then, one day, disaster struck! The land was cursed with a virus and all the empaths and the Godmothers were banished to self-isolation and social distancing. What was to become of them? Luckily, the Godmothers found a way to sprinkle magic Zoom dust on all the laptops and the empaths rejoiced as they were reunited by way of digital media. Hurrah!

The little empath misses the energy of her tribe in person, but is thankful for the mystical power of technology to help her continue in her quest.

How things changed…

In the beginning of Module 2 of the Certificate in Counselling Skills, the little empath and her tribe had settled into a ‘stay at home’ routine. She could not believe how quickly the sands of time had passed in the last ten weeks, and she settled down to review how that had been for her.

Having spent fifteen long weeks staying safe at home, the little empath also conducted all of her full time work as a teacher online. In addition to the COSCA course she also committed to another online distance learning course. The amount of screen time was proving to be a challenge for her and left her feeling a little overwhelmed at having to be such an integral part of the digital world. Sometimes she feared that the prophecies were coming true and that human and machine would indeed merge as one. She made a promise to herself to allow more study time for the next module and try new ways of learning to help overcome the intensity she felt around being online so much.

Positive energy…

Her new triad provided a calm and positive energy from the beginning. She loved watching the confidence of her triad grow with each skills practice as she herself even started to feel more relaxed watching her recordings. After consulting the ‘feelings wheel’, she could now identify with a feeling of optimism rather than being critical of herself. Progress already?

The cycle of change…

The middle of Module 2 was proving to be more in-depth in terms of content and discussion. Complex topics around sexuality, feelings, the grief cycle, change, values and ethics sparked lots of interesting discussion for the tribe. The cycle of change and the change curve were insightful tools for the little empath to consider. It helped her see some reasons why she had not been able to make the changes she wanted in her life, and she was eager to try this out for herself, and also within a counselling approach. The little empath likes to think about change from all possible angles and this can sometimes leave her feeling exhausted about all the ‘what if’s. She found the motivation grid very useful for this and has used it to make a decision about looking for another job in a different school. This gave her clarity and more confidence in her decision and she was thankful to her godmothers for bestowing these gifts.

A wave of emotions…

Sexuality was a topic that opened up a wave of emotions for the little empath. She realised that a wicked witch had tried to poison her mind with untruths in the past around what it meant to be a sexual being. By challenging her thoughts, she uncovered deep-rooted feelings that she had forgotten about. While saddened by this at first, she now sees it as a positive as she has been able to look back at her changed attitudes more deeply and this will hopefully help her to be more genuine and empathetic in a counselling approach.

Time to reflect…

The ending of Module 2 was mixed emotions for the little empath as she was invited to consider how to say goodbye to her triad. Following what felt like a more intense part of the course the triad had time to discuss how they felt and what progress they had made. Through this safe space the little empath realised that while she felt on one hand that the module went by so quickly, she also discovered that she had soaked up so much information that it was likely to be slow burner for her as she allowed herself to revisit the theory and reflect on how it has affected her personally as well as in a counselling approach.

Looking forward to a two-week break to recharge, the little empath knows that another beginning is just around the corner in the form of Module 3 and she is eager to explore the content with her tribe and another new triad.

The End

By Sharon Kirman

Cognitive Behavioural Therapy

If you are looking for therapists who offer Cognitive Behavioural Therapy for a range of mental health issues you can read more about it on this page. We offer therapy at Act Counselling and CBT Services and are happy to speak with you today should you wish to find out more and book in with one of our therapists. Get in touch with us today via our online contact form or call us on 0141 554 0838.

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With CBT group therapy, where clients are given the opportunity to work with their counsellor on a 1:1 basis regarding the substance and attend a group to address, arguably two of the most common underlying mental health issues associated with substance misuse, anxiety and depression.

Respective anxiety and depression manuals were compiled and given to each group member for them to use on a weekly basis and indeed keep for future reference after the group ended. In true CBT tradition, an inventory was completed on a weekly basis and cross-referenced with the previous week. Examples of other items covered throughout each group are:

-Cognitive distortions

-Automatic thoughts

-Thought records

-Identifying emotions

– Controlling breathing exercises

-Progressive muscle relaxation

-Graded exposure

-Daily achievement journal

-Behavioural activation

-Safe place imagery

-Activity schedule

-Rumination

-Strengths and qualities

Group work and its benefits…

There was always time for group discussion which led to another vital part of any group, that being mutual aid. As a facilitator, it is a privilege to witness catharsis, universality and the installation of hope within each group I have been part of. Indeed bringing each group to an end, listening to the changes that have been made and plans to do more of what has helped is inspiring and motivational to me. There is no better feeling than playing a small part in another human beings recovery.

As with any therapeutic/psychoeducational setting, without the core conditions of genuineness, acceptance and empathy, neither groups nor 1:1 settings would have very little chance of building rapport, therapeutic alliance, working alliance, call it what you will, between the presenter/facilitator and attendees. Effective psychotherapy in any setting requires an effective therapeutic alliance between client(s) and therapist/facilitator.

Diploma Course…

The ACT Counselling Services PG Dip Level Diploma in CBT and Groupwork is the ideal course on which to learn and develop the knowledge, skills and attitude to become an effective group facilitator.

To find out more get in touch on 0141 554 0838 or contact us here.

By Mark Vance (PG Dip CBT)

Cognitive Behavioural Therapy

If you are looking for therapists who offer Cognitive Behavioural Therapy for a range of mental health issues you can read more about it on this page. We offer therapy at Act Counselling and CBT Services and are happy to speak with you today should you wish to find out more and book in with one of our therapists. Get in touch with us today via our online contact form or call us on 0141 554 0838.

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In the 10+ years that I have known my wife she has always been involved in helping people in some way, both in her professional life as well as her personal one. Throughout this time she has always had a fascination with what “makes people tick” and a real skill for developing relationships with people and getting them to see things from a different point of view. My wife has now been a qualified CBT therapist for several years and currently delivers the CBT diploma course with ACT counselling. I think this course really allowed her to develop those skills as well as giving her more of the theoretical understanding of what she was already thinking and doing with people.

How it affected me

The course had a big impact on me as well. My wife would come in from the course buzzing with excitement, telling me about what they had been doing that day and discussing whatever topic had been delivered by Andy and the team. She would talk about things like “core beliefs”, which are the messages we get from those around us growing up (generally our parents) and how this can influence our thoughts and behaviour throughout life. This made me consider my own experiences as a child as well as those of the children I work with as a social worker.

CBT in social work

Another way the course impacted on me was with the idea that as a therapist you are not giving them answers so much as guiding them to find their own solutions. As a social worker, this can be more of a challenge with some of the families I work with as we often have to be very directive and clear with people what we expect to happen. However, we will often use CBT principles to ensure families are motivated to work towards these shared goals. It has also been very useful in considering how I support my team of staff in supervision, both formally and informally in finding their own solutions to issues both within and outwith the workplace.

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The ACT Team have an up and coming CPD event on 20/02/16 titled ‘Gestalt — a way of living’ looking at Gestalt Psychotherapy. Whilst preparing the course materials we cannot help but remember the insight and power connected with this approach and its ability to help us as human beings make sense of our lives. With this in mind, let’s reflect on the connection between a family’s attitude to vomiting and the syntonic (in harmony) and dystonic (impaired) personality.

How did your family deal with vomit?

How did your family deal with the vomit? When you were young (before the age of 7) and you felt a bit unwell and were taken by surprise by a surge of vomit, what did your family members do? As you vomited all over the front room carpet, what did they do? Was your vomiting a family affair, did your siblings/cousins etc get to watch and make comment? Did Mum, Dad or significant caregivers tell you not to mind the mess, just get all that nasty stuff up? Did they hold and comfort you?

Were you reassured?

Perhaps your vomiting was dealt with differently. Did the significant caregivers reassure you, guide you to the toilet, spend a little bit of time with you and then leave. They might have come back to check on you at regular intervals. The last option the family or significant caregivers might have had was to quickly grab you when the vomit began, rush you to the toilet, sit you in front of the loo and quickly close the door. The last words you might have heard were to make your way to your bedroom once all vomiting had ceased at which point a bucket would be delivered to you and food parcels thereafter until all the messy stuff was gone.

How this links to life’s problems

However, the vomit was dealt with is probably how you now deal with life’s problems (the messy stuff). If the vomiting was shared, then you will share life’s problems with those close to you. If you were, supported and reassured to an extent then you probably share problems or the messy stuff in life to a certain extent but not the whole story. If your vomiting was a solitary affair conducted in isolation, then this is probably how you deal with life’s problems. The messages we hear and the rules we learn in childhood shape who we are today.

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Still thinking about thinking, the ACT Team were recently discussing Albert Ellis who as many of our readers will know was the founder of Rational Emotive Behavioural Therapy (REBT), one of the approaches that influenced Aaron Beck’s development of CBT. Like Albert Ellis, we are keen to impart to as many of our fellow Human Beings as possible, that in times of difficulty or stress you DO NOT have to treat yourself so harshly in relation to the way you talk to yourself in your own head.

Pressured lives

Life is becoming more and more pressure laden. The requirement to achieve is perceived as becoming more and more important. Some might say that Western Society is becoming more consumerist, materialistic and Narcissistic with every passing year. It is all about wealth and trophies. Work harder, buy more, happiness is just around the corner. Ever wondered why you can never quite catch it.

3 ‘Absolutistic Beliefs’

Albert Ellis documented what he believed are the 3 ‘Absolutistic Beliefs’ that underpin Human disturbance. Indeed, he believed that ‘we disturb ourselves.’ As a result of these ‘Absolutistic Beliefs’ and the growing demands outlined above, we at ACT Counselling Services believe that we are turning the screws too tight in relation to our beliefs and expectations of ourselves, other people and the world.

Explore more with ACT Counselling Services

By engaging in any of the Services offered on the ACT Counselling Services website (Therapy, Supervision, Diploma, Short Courses) you will discover exactly what these ‘Absolutistic Beliefs’ are and how you can release the pressure valve on life.

Cognitive Behavioural Therapy

If you are looking for therapists who offer Cognitive Behavioural Therapy for a range of mental health issues you can read more about it on this page. We offer therapy at Act Counselling and CBT Services and are happy to speak with you today should you wish to find out more and book in with one of our therapists. Get in touch with us today via our online contact form or call us on 0141 554 0838.

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Psychoeducational process

We travel the UK meeting CBT Tutors, Practitioners and Supervisors who still report frustrations in implementing a coherent Psychoeducational process that teaches others how to elegantly identify and challenge unhelpful thinking styles and come up with alternative balanced thoughts.
Indeed, we still hear the language of ‘changing negative thinking to positive thinking.’ We would suggest that this language is firstly disrespectful to the Human Condition. We subscribe to the theory that we have evolved to scan for more threat as a safety mechanism and by goodness, this ‘negative thinking’ will have worked at some point, otherwise, we as Human Beings would not be doing it.

The Stone Age Family

Our readers may have already heard the story about the Stone Age family who did not have a care in the world until the first member was snatched by a sabre-toothed tiger. Wonder how carefree they were the next time they turned their back to fill the water pouch, turned an unexplored corner or indeed ventured out the cave. Would they be engaging in ‘negative thinking?’

The ACT Counselling Services approach

At ACT Counselling Services we have designed our own Psychoeducation process that can help identify, clarify and evaluate unhelpful thoughts, with a view to generating some alternative balanced and helpful thoughts. It begins with a ‘State’ and it ends with ‘Although.’ There are of course a few stages in between. By engaging in any of the Services offered on the ACT Counselling Services website (Therapy, Supervision, Diploma, Short Courses) you will discover this fascinating process for yourself.

Cognitive Behavioural Therapy

If you are looking for therapists who offer Cognitive Behavioural Therapy for a range of mental health issues you can read more about it on this page. We offer therapy at Act Counselling and CBT Services and are happy to speak with you today should you wish to find out more and book in with one of our therapists. Get in touch with us today via our online contact form or call us on 0141 554 0838.

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